I picked up this book because I heard it depicted the hero of mankind as Jesus Christ. Turns out that he was a total push over!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
Okay, so first of all his mom cheated on his dad with a holy pimp and got knocked up. Wham bam thank you ma'am = the bastard child Jesus. So Jesus wanders around speaking gibberish and throws tantrums vandalizing merchant tables and destroying their local businesses. He thinks he has a right to break other people's stuff cause he is the word of an omnipotent creature in the sky... Yea, he's crazy. Someone's got some MAJOR daddy issues. So obviously the Roman cops wanna stop this mad man from spreading his wild ideas and creating more pandemonium in the area. Jesus tricks people into thinking he has magical powers by preforming some street magic he learned online and from watching Chris Angel on TV until he has a big following of people who kiss his feet and do anything he says.
He eventually gets caught and nailed to a cross and everyone's like, "Yo, Jesus! Just use your magic, bro!"
And he's all like, "No! I don't want to!"
And they're like, "But dude, you're gonna die!"
And he's all like, "Yea, so? Whatever, I don't care..." But you could totally tell by the look on his face he was like, "Oh crap, I'm screwed."
Then he got stabbed in the side with a spear and everyone was like, "DAAAAAMN!" and he died like a normal person would. Then some of his old buddies robbed his grave and walked around with his corps like the movie Weekend at Bernie's and pretended he was still alive until he started to decompose. Then they just dumped him in a ditch. That's basically it.
I don't get why people think that guy ever did anything useful. He was a crazy bum ranting about the rapture and repentance just like your average homeless psycho in the streets of New York or Philly. And we all know those bums are crazy, but for some reason people are like, "Oh no, not Jesus. He's not crazy. He said get rid of everything you own cause rich people go to hell. Totally logical." What a bunch of crap. Batman could kick his butt.